Subject: Fat Boy
Buffoon Test
Characteristic
Yes, indeed
Thankfully, no
Once Played for the Mets
 
 X
Looks like a used car dealer from Long Island
 X
 
Whines and complains
 X
 
Unnecessarily acquired flop
 
 
Likes race car driving
 He's Texan ain't he?
 
Is Lou Gorman
 similar complexion
 
Remembered for terrible mistake
 The luggage incident
 
Is a greedy bastard
 X
 
Played well only when it didn't matter
 
 
 
Sox hero test
Characteristic
Oh ya
Nope
Came up through Sox system
 X
 
Eccentric as hell, or at least a little
 
 X
Is a Boston guy
 
 X
We didn't care if he sucked
 
X 
Is Nomar Garciaparra
 
 X
Is not Lou Gorman, Bucky Dent or Mookie
 X
 
Never pitched a no-hitter and lost
 
Never pitched one 
Whacked a homer in the World Series
 
 X
Regular guy who came up big when it counted
 
 X
 
Verdict: Clemens was a whining Prima donna from day one. But he was a star and we put up with him. Thanks for the 500 ball, Roger. There's little doubt that Danny Boy ran Fat Boy out of town. Roger, however, could have gone to any team he wanted, including Joe Torre's World Champion Yankees. What did he do? He went to the highest bidder, Toronto, choosing to play for a lousy team in a foreign country. Let's face it, we all hate the Yankees, but Toronto has been our true arch rival for the past ten years. 

Roger often uttered one of the most outrageous phrases in  pro sports: "I have to think of my family." I don't know about you, but one month of Roger's salary would do my family just fine for 5 or 10 years. I guess Roger needs to make sure that his kids have fat trust funds, drive BMWs, and don't need to earn a living. Or maybe he wants to hang out with Butch Hobson and Jack Clark, do a couple of 8 balls and drive racing cars really fast.